


Rainfall

by minhyunbin



Category: JBJ (Band), NU'EST, Produce 101 (TV), Wanna One (Band)
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-05-19
Packaged: 2018-11-02 11:56:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,727
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10944000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minhyunbin/pseuds/minhyunbin
Summary: " Can't you... love me even just a bit? "For Kwon Hyunbin, love is a hidden message held close in his heart; a sign he showed only with secret glances and fond smiles. For Hwang Minhyun, love is a weight on his heart, and the best he could do was to ignore the signs, to close his eyes the way he hoped to close his heart. Their concept of love was as foreign as two strangers in passing, umbrellas up in the mist of the falling downpour, meant only in passing.For them...there was never an 'us'.





	Rainfall

**Author's Note:**

> Terribly inspired by Downpour's performance and by this two pieces of [Doby_s2](https://twitter.com/Doby_S2/status/862771633299247104) and [Mangmangpro's](https://twitter.com/mangmangpro/status/862009380031447040) fanart, do give them lots of support and RTs. The style of writing is something I've been experimenting with little success, but I hope you guys could enjoy it nonetheless. Feel free to leave me any comments! ♡ sng

**( cold. )** chills wrecked his body as he walked in the rain,  too absorbed in his  
thoughts to care about the shirt stuck to his skin and hair to his cheeks. _how long_  
_had he been walking?  how far had he walked?_    questions,  unanswered,  tossed  
to the back of his mind. there's only ever one thing  - one _person_ \-  that occupied  
the entirety of his consciousness. 

 _hwang minhyun_.

     the name **haunted** him day and night,  from the time he first saw him to the  
very last. it started with a simple admiration, from a junior to a senior, and then  
everything else started to fall in place. his smile, the way it curled upwards at the  
corners that tugged on  his heart all the same;  those almond shaped eyes,  bright   
as a  cat and  yet gentle  as night;  his voice,  like a  warm blanket  that comforted  
his soul, calling out his name....

          " kwon **hyunbin**. "  
                             " _hyunbin-ah_. "  
                                                 " hyunbin-ah... ~~we~~...i'm  sorry. "

     he **stopped** in his tracks. hands coming to cover his eyes.  rain and tears both  
painted his face with melancholy blues of ~~regrets~~.

                                      —  and time would not turn  
                                                  for the heartbroken child —                      

      **( cold. )** it's the first thing he noticed even in the sanctuary of his own home.  
autumn was peeking its head from around the corners and rain, knocking on his  
door. minhyun sat by the  living room window,  knees hitched up with a book in  
hand. the rain as a melody was jumbling his thoughts, disturbing his peace, and  
despite the chills of goosebumps rising along pale skin, minhyun felt _stuffy._   like  
he was pushed  into a room with  just enough space  for his torso  and four limbs  
and nothing more.

                                             stuffy.  
                                                       **unbearable.**  
                                              _frustrating._  
                                                       ~~insufferable~~.

                                                                                       ...  _kwon hyunbin._

     it has been **three** days since they last met. three days since he cut off contact.  
_it's for their good_ , he said.   _it's for his sanity_ , he thinks.  but even so he checked  
his mobile phone  every thirty  minutes,  jumped at  the sound  of phone ringing.   
dark circles formed  under his swollen eyes  from the lack of sleep,  because _each_  
time he closed his eyes, hyunbin's face came to mind.

      the way his eyes  turn into two  fine lines as his  lips  drew in  a teeth-showing  
smile;  the way he tagged  behind his  footsteps  with loud  clumsy steps;  the way  
his eyes always shone with some form of **expectations** as he called his name.

          " hyung. "  
                    " _minhyunie-hyung_. "  
                                   " i like you...so ~~can't you~~ just,  like me even for a bit? "

     minhyun  tossed his  book to  the side and  stood up.  he could not  take it any  
more,  it's  eating  at his  mind  and  heart  and   **hollowed**   his soul.  he  needed to  
leave his house, his four walls...to get out. _leave._

                               —  and if time could turn would   
                                                there be 2 less heartbroken souls —                      

 **( howling. )** the wind was  pressing the wet  clothes to his  back and he could   
finally  feel  the  shivers  running  down  his spine,  up his arms.  hyunbin blinked,  
snapping back into  reality to cross  his arms one over the other. he stood out like  
a sore thumb, taller than the passing umbrellas and soaked to the core. 

                                             miserable.  
                                                             **alone.**  
                                              _in pain._  
                                                             ~~pathetic~~.

      if he hadn't been so rash, so **dumb** ,  he wouldn't have put himself in this state.  
everything changed its course  the moment he opened  his loud mouth to   _confess_ ,  
and what worth was it for?  hyunbin pressed himself against  the wall right outside  
an old store,  dark interior marking  it closed for the day.  eyes watched as the rain  
dripped from the extended cloth shade, eyes shutting close - _tired, he's tired_ \-  the  
male slid from  the wall to sit,  legs pulled up to his chest.  even then the tips of his  
shoes poked  out from  the shade,  and he couldn't be bothered as droplets splatter  
upon it.

      hyunbin didn't  know what  else he  was expecting. he walked out of the house  
that evening because he _hoped_ the rain would clear his mind;  he _hoped_ the sound  
would drown out the cracks of his heart; he _hoped_... he had **hoped** that perhaps in  
the slightest possibility, that minhyun would have said _otherwise_. 

      in short,  hyunbin had hoped  for too many things,  and **none of them**   worked  
in his favor. he cracked a laugh as tears pooled in his eyes once more, arms around  
his knees like a giant child in the middle of the street. 

                         —  and if he could turn back time he knew  
                                         he would still say the same things again —

       **( howling. )** everything was loud but none compared the the chaos settling in  
his chest.  it weighed on him like a boulder,  and his steps were heavy,  grounded.  
he was only carrying an umbrella with him, but each step on flat roads felt like an  
uphill battle.  minhyun's eyes  fluttered to the ground,  to the puddles and ripples  
upon the surface as rain fell.

      no, he wasn't just carrying an umbrella;  he's carrying the weight of a  **love** he  
could not  reprociate.  it's the weight of  hyunbin's affections  that he stored deep   
down in his heart through the  days, weeks, _months_.  because minhyun knew,  at  
some point in time, that hyunbin's smile wasn't simply out of fondness but some-  
thing more.  that his  gentle gaze  was reserved  for him,  that his  soft laugh  and   
random gifts - pens, books, confectionary - was something ~~special~~.

      sometimes he  thinks he knew  about hyunbin's love  before hyunbin  knew it  
himself,  because how can he not feel his adoration?  his attention to details?  his  
**warmth** when  his arm  sling over  his shoulders  in  a _careful_ manner?  minhyun  
_knew_.  and yet he couldn't pull away,  no matter how many times he told himself  
that it would never work out.

      two males, in society, in love. no...nothing good could come out of that. hyunbin  
would be hurt,  people around them  would be hurt.  or so that  was the  lie he told  
himself,  because his heart   **hurts**  the most  and he could only  wished that  he had  
the courage to step up like hyunbin. because he's an idiot and he loved - no, loves -  
him.

                                                                                           _he loves him._

                         —  and he knew that if he could turn back  
                                      time he would have chose another path —

          " _...kwon hyunbin...?_ "

       **( hallucinations. )**    he was wondering  when they would appear,  considering  
how many  times he  dreamed of  minhyun  through the days,  even from  before,  
and even more so now. hyunbin shook his head, face buried deeper into his arms,  
willing them away.

     it was the squeeze of someone's hand ( his. it has to be him, because he could   
recognize  that warmth and  feel of his hands  no matter when. )  on his shoulders  
that he jerked  to reality.  swollen eyes matched  with the **familiar** ,  feline-looking  
pair.  they were  beautiful  as always,  albeit the  weariness  reflected in them.  the  
male blinked, _stared_.

                                                                                          " ...hyunbin-ah. "

       his (  **footsteps**  ) had led him there,  on a route he's walked hundreds of times  
with the taller  boy by his side.  retracing his steps  without meaning to,  minhyun  
was about to turn around when he locked eyes onto a familiar figure in the haze of  
the rain. the streets were mostly empty at this hour, the rain having poured for far  
too long. 

      then there's _him_ , seated on the floor with his shoes out in the rain. part of him  
wanted to laugh,  but his eyes teared up at the  completely drenched person.   _how_  
_had he been doing?  since when was  he stuck there?  how long was he out in the_  
_rain? did he...miss him?_

      because he did.  minhyun missed him with  every inch of his heart and it rattled  
his core to  see hyunbin  in this state,  a giant child  alone out in  this  weather.  his  
stomach clenched in unease, **hesitant** steps wanting to turn away before  he broke  
his resolution.

      who was he **lying** to again? it was already broken the moment he said no, when  
hyunbin looked at him with those apologetic eyes and a painfully etched smile. the  
male bit on his bottom lip, and knelt down on one knee to reach the same level. his  
umbrella was held loosely with  one hand as it  rest against his shoulder;  minhyun  
could feel the cold droplets  dripping onto his back,  but what was his  compared to  
hyunbin? ~~compared to the shudder of his heart?~~

          " ...hyunbin-ah. _why are you out here_? "  
                          " hyunbin-ah, can you  hear me? "  
                                          " **kwon hyunbin.** "

 **( tears. )**   his eyes  refocused onto  minhyun's worried features, lips parted in a  
silent, suprised mutter. 

      and then he moved, long arms reaching out for the elder as he half crashed into  
him.  he's  dripping wet  but he   **wasn't thinking** ,  not when the  person who hadn't  
left his mind appeared in the flesh for the first time.  forehead,  resting on the nook  
of minhyun's  neck as  his fingers  curled  around  the  shoulders.  he felt  the elder  
flinched,  a sharp intake of air heard at close proximity.  hyunbin pulled away amid  
falling tears that he quickly wiped with the back of his hand.

                                                " sorry, i- "  
                                                                     " _i'm sorry-_  "

 **( tear. )**   minhyun found himself  blinking away the wetness in his eyes,  willing  
it away to no avail.  and when hyunbin  pulled away the  first drip fell,  ears,  tinted   
pink from the uncharacteristic action - he was supposed to be the _calm one_ , always  
the calm one from day one - but he couldn't help it.

      not when he saw hyunbin in this state. not when he _himself_ was in that state. he  
opened his mouth in attempt to say something, continue his words, but he couldn't.  
and so he did the  next thing he could think of,  the one thing he  wanted to do from  
the very **beginning.**

      minhyun  leaned  in to wrap  his arms  around him.  chin tucked  onto hyunbin's  
shoulder and closed his eyes. the umbrella slipped from the side, abandoned as the  
fall of raindrops splattered across half of his back  and part of his legs. the cold had   
him shudder,  but it didn't mattered.  not when they're so close to one another right  
now;  not when  he could  hear the thump of  their  heartbeats in **unison** ;  not when  
he could hear hyunbin's soft whisper of his name by his ear.

there were ( _pointed looks_ ) and ~~curious glances~~ from passer-bys,  
                                               but nothing else mattered when **they had each other.**

                        —  and time would not turn backwards because  
                                        love was always taking a step forward —

* * *

 

a/n: [cross-posted](https://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1251726/).


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